


Constellations and Coffee

by AisForAlex



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Constellations, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Insomnia, M/M, Music, Musicians, Panic Attacks, Scars, Stars, Tattoos, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-28 10:01:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19391815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AisForAlex/pseuds/AisForAlex
Summary: Remus Lupin is the attractive proprietor of a twenty four hour coffee shop. Sirius Black is the beautiful musician he falls for.





	Constellations and Coffee

**Author's Note:**

  * For [YumeNouveau](https://archiveofourown.org/users/YumeNouveau/gifts).



> Hey, so this is my entry for YumeNouveau's Wolfstar Contest, i'm really sorry if this sucks but I wanted to write it anyway. I know there are probably a bunch of grammatical errors but I tried to fix as many as I could find. Just as a heads up I highly suggest listening to the music that's linked as it helps tell part of the story, normally I don't really care for having lyrics written in my stories but the ones that are are crucial in conveying certain story elements. Also i'm sorry if the character interactions and dialogue feel stiff or boring, I am severely socially stunted so have a difficult time writing social interactions. Anyway, I hope someone might enjoy this because overall i'm kinda proud of how it turned out. p.s. please ignore any formatting errors, I had it the way it was supposed to be but when i transferred it over everything changed and i didn't want to go through it again.

Some people find solace in moss covered ground, gentle sunlight streaming through evergreen boughs. Some people find contentment by channeling bits of themselves into crafts so beautifully unique they are renowned as art. Remus Lupin found that his respite to life is coffee. It’s in the rich heady aroma that envelops him in its warm embrace, its in the bitter bite on his tongue when taking the first careful sip, and its in the warm tingle that ignites under his skin to flow through his body like a river of golden sparks running in his veins.

For as long as he could remember Remus’ arch nemesis had been sleep, destined to toss and turn taunted by the sickly orange glow of the moon or to stare into the dark abyss, feeling his sanity slowly siphon away until the shadows around him threaten to choke him. His youth was dedicated to the never-ending battle over a blessed couple hours of unconsciousness, and when the pills stopped working Remus turned to the only thing that seemed to drive him to sleep, work. Remus worked until he drove himself into utter exhaustion, physical exhaustion through intense training that would brutally beat his body until any lingering energy had been leached out through his pores then mental exhaustion through piling on as many advanced placement courses as the school administration would allow, he would read and study until it felt as if his eyes would start bleeding. So what if everyone says his methods were ‘unhealthy’, at the end of the day if Remus could fall into bed and close his eyes and let the sweet relief of oblivion wash through him it was a win in his mind. For Remus college meant freedom, it meant that he was free to live his life the way he pleased without his loving albeit overprotective father constantly trying to get him to ‘relax’ rather than work his life away. Remus found that freedom suited him quite nicely, he continued his intense regimen of physical and academic exertion without a running commentary from his father or friends, and now on the nights where nothing works to allow him to sleep, he would use his freedom to wander the streets of the town he now called home. Slowly, Remus began to notice that the more time he spent exploring in the cover of night, the moons glow was no longer a sickly orange, but more of a gentle amber that would light his path and the shadows that used to threaten to crush him while lying in bed were now embracing, welcoming him back as a friend. 

When he was sixteen, Remus’ doctor had told him to cut out all sources of caffeine from his life to help combat the insomnia, and he did. For nearly a year Remus would be greeted each morning with the rich aroma of his father brewing fresh coffee in their small cozy kitchen but not once would he allow himself to indulge in its warmth. Unfortunately, the effort was in vain as Remus’ insomnia stubbornly persisted, so despite his doctor’s advice Remus decided that fuck it, if he wouldn’t be able to sleep one way or the other, he at least wanted to enjoy himself.

Throughout his years spent relentlessly working towards a college degree Remus was plagued by the feeling that he was wasting his life, true the work did its job in tiring his brain out with its intensity but he never actually felt a passion for it. The only time he ever felt truly content was on the nights where he was just on the edge of sleep, curled up in his large armchair gazing out into the velvety black sky silently finding the different constellations. Swathed in an oversized knit jumper and cozy blanket with an enormous mug of coffee enveloping him, in its deep sent warming him from the inside out. It was in one of these moments of peace while watching the stars, shortly after graduation when Remus realized that he had no desire to peruse a career in the field he had earned his degree in he simply wanted to spend his life drinking coffee and staring at the stars. Thus, he was inspired to create Polaris, a quirky twenty-four-hour coffee shop that caterers to the sleepless souls in the small college town that Remus calls home. 

Two years of hard work after opening his coffee shop, Polaris has become one of the more popular establishments in the small town, as it’s a place where people of all types are able to feel welcome. During the daylight hours the usual suspects are always to be found, the hurried business people needing a quick caffeine fix before continuing their day, the writer in the window booth nursing their black coffee to mooch off the WIFI as long as possible before feeling obligated to buy another drink, the couple on an awkward first date trying to desperately keep conversation flowing, and pretty much everyone in between. However, it’s the customers during the night hours that Remus finds to be the most interesting, there are the students blaring music through their earbuds while trying to memorize an entire semesters worth of work the night before a test, there is the group of friends in the back corner playing D&D who always come up to the counter and order their drinks in character, there are the lonely souls who silently sip their drinks while lost in the dark abyss of the night sky outside the large windows of the shop, and the artists who sit for hours hunched over sketchbooks ignoring the beads of condensation that roll down the sides of their abandoned drinks.

Remus loved his job, he loved sitting and watching the mismatch of people that would stumble through the door only to realize that this was exactly where they were supposed to be, he loved reading behind the counter surrounded by the smell of fresh coffee grounds and the warmth of the espresso machine behind him, and he loved how he could easily get lost in work but could still look up through the skylights to ground himself with the soft moonlight.

Just like many a night before Remus was currently perched on one of the high stools that ran along the bars counter absorbed in the battered pages of a book, oblivious to the world around him until a small tinkling bell indicated a person entering the front door. Glancing up from the pages, Remus was mildly startled to realize that the starless night had somehow bled into a morning plagued by clouds heavy and pregnant with rain, simply waiting to fall back to the earth. He also quickly realized that the various customers had silently slipped away until he was alone absorbed in the ink covered pages. Eyes falling to the door Remus found that the newcomer was only Lily. Upon opening the shop Remus had been quick to find someone to act as manager during the daylight hours, he remembers when he first posted the ad looking for applicants Lily had stormed the shop within a couple of hours insisting on an interview, Remus had been so taken by her boldness that he hired her that day. Luckily, she had turned out to be one of the kindest, loyalist, and most hard-working people he knew. Remus watched as she made quick work of slipping behind the counter and beginning to adjust the low lights into the brighter ones used during the day, then beginning a fresh pot of coffee her red hair burning behind her as she worked bright as a flame.

With a sigh Remus slipped down from his stool to join her behind the counter, “Good morning Lils, I can’t believe it’s that time already.”

“Morning Moony,” she paused cocking a mildly judgmental eyebrow as Remus leaned past her to grab a large mug of the freshly brewed coffee. “You know one of these days you are going to have a stroke from the sheer amount of caffeine you consume and no one is going to be surprised.” He simply grinned into his mug at the comment, casually leaning a hip against the counter as he took a sip.

“Yeah, I know, but to be honest of all the things I could be addicted to, coffee is not the worst thing. At least I’m not here snorting cocaine off the counter each morning.”

Lily chuckled at his stupid excuse as she stepped around him to start wiping down the counters, “Well that’s probably a good thing, because I can’t imagine the proprietor snorting cocaine prompting positive yelp reviews from our customers.” 

“No,” Remus said looking over and locking eyes with Lily, “All of our positive reviews are due to my stunning good looks, and sparkling personality,” He said with a completely deadpan expression. 

“Oh my god,” she said with a snort of amusement, “You’re ridiculous. Anyway, in other news, I found a musician to play on Friday.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, you remember James, right?”

“Who your boyfriend of going on three months whom you never seem to shut up about? Nope doesn’t ring a bell.”

“Oh, shut up you dickwad,” Lily punctuated the insult with a rather sharp snap of the dish towel she was using. “Anyway, his best friend from when they were in boarding school just moved in with him as a flatmate but supposedly, he is an amazing musician. I kinda already told James that he could play, I hope that’s aright.”

“Yeah that sounds fine, we didn’t have anyone lined up yet so that just makes our jobs easier. Now we don’t have to go hunt down some random hipster with a guitar.” One of the longest standing traditions Remus had begun when the shop first opened was that on every other Friday one of the local musicians would come in and play. It had quickly become a favorite event for most of their customers, many of which only came in on these days to enjoy a warm drink and some good music. “Well since you already told him he’s free to play. But I’m just gunna let you take care of setting everything up.” Remus said downing the last of his coffee.

“Typical, you lazy bastard,” Lily said scowling.

“Eh, what can I say? I’d be lying if I denied that.” Remus pushed away from the counter to stroll over and begin washing his mug in the sink. Placing it in the dish rack Remus quickly dried his hands and began gathering up his things into his battered book bag, “Well Lils, I am going to leave the shop in your capable hands, I am heading to the gym then hopefully, fingers crossed, to sleep. So, I will see you later.”

“Bye, Moony. Try not to die of exertion before my shift is over.” Lily called out as Remus ducked through the door chuckling.

***

Sirius Black had performed in more coffee shops than he could remember, but on Friday night when he walked into Polaris, he could feel that this place was special. The ceiling was high with exposed beams of dark wood crossing it, hanging from the wood were lush cascading plants suspended by ropes, the negative spaces were painted a deep midnight blue that was soothing to look at, and in various spaces large inlaid skylights filled the gaps between the dark beams allowing moonlight to filter down into the shop. Several of the walls were painted a deep forest green, then lined by cozy brown leather chairs and dark wooden tables each adorned with its own small lamp, while vast oval windows that looked out to the forest outside broke up the color scheme from being too dark. On the right side of the shop ran a long wooden bar with high stools, behind the bar was the normal workings for a coffee shop bright metal appliances and countless drink flavorings. The wall behind it though was interesting, painted a rich cream color but had been adorned by a vast star map that as far as Sirius could tell contained extremely accurate depictions of most constellations. Throughout the rest of the shop several other leather chairs and wooden tables were dotted about, the overhead lights were dimmed down so that most of the shop was illuminated via the small lamps. In the center of the room was a large circular platform that was made from the same dark wood as the rest of the furniture, there was a simple chair and microphone set up so Sirius assumed that was were he was heading. The shop was teeming with people, groups of people sat around tables, some were curled up in the leather armchairs, some were sat at the bar, or even just standing around chatting with others. Honestly, Sirius hadn’t really expected many people to come out for some no name musician and he was a bit thrown off guard by the crowd as he made a beeline for the platform to get set up. As he was making his way through the crowd, Sirius spotted a familiar mop of black hair heading towards him.

“Pads!” James called out. “Hey, come here I want you to meet someone,” detouring over to where James was standing Sirius found that a pretty redhead seemed to be wrapped under his arm. “Pads, this is Lily. Lily this is Pads.” James said casually waving his hand at each of them as if that hadn’t been one of the worst introductions he had ever heard.

With a scoff at James, Sirius extended a hand to the woman, “By this point I hope you have learned not to mind his antics. I’m Sirius, pleasure to finally meet you.” Smiling warmly the woman extracted herself from under James’ arm and shook his hand.

“It’s nice to finally meet you too. As much as he talks about you, you would think you two were the ones dating, and believe me I’m well used to his antics.”

James squawked at the comment then exclaimed, “Excuse me! First off, I am a delight! Second, Pads would be so lucky as to have me as his boyfriend.”

Shaking her head at James Lily turned back to Sirius, “My god, anyway. So, everything is all set up for you, if you need anything just let me know.”

“Will do, I guess I’ll see you guys later,” Sirius said as he began walking back to the platform. Stepping up on the platform Sirius realized that the entire circumference of the circle was made up of softly glowing LED lights. They did an amazing job of illuminating him while still casting shadows so as to not completely wash him out. Quickly setting his leather jacket on the back of the chair Sirius pulled his guitar from its case, then sitting down making short work of ensuring it was tuned and ready to go, inhaling deeply he pulled the microphone closer to him and began.

“Well hi every one, my name is Sirius Black and I hope all of you are having a good night so far,” Sirius paused as the crowd around the shop seemed to quiet waiting for him to continue. “So, I’m gunna level with you, honestly, I didn’t think many people would be here so I didn’t prepare any witty commentary for you, so my apologies if I start waffling on a bit too much. Anyways, I don’t know about you guys but I have been feeling a bit melancholy lately, so if its all right with you I’m gunna be playing some acoustic covers of some of my favorite rock songs that always seem to hit me right in the heart when I’m feeling a bit down. Does that sound alright for you guys?” The crowd gave him a smattering of applause and some shouted comments about how they were always down for depressing music. With a light smirk on his lips Sirius continued, “Awesome, so this is [It only Hurts](https://open.spotify.com/track/1k0FCgVwb1jZR57ESOWUVa) by Default.”

Sirius’ eyes drifted closed as fingers began the familiar pattern coaxing the notes from his guitar with each strum, soon the words were spilling from his lips, so beautifully sweet and yet heart achingly sad that by the last note not another sound could be heard in the shop. Finally opening his eyes Sirius glanced around to see that every eye in the building was on him, including those of one of the most gorgeous men he had ever seen. The man sat on one of the high bar stools close to the register, his baggy knit cardigan doing nothing to hide the fact that he could break Sirius in half and he would probably say thank you. Black skinny jeans revealed toned thighs and legs so long they went on for miles, his hair was a mass of soft golden curls cropped into a neat undercut. Sirius’ breath seemed to catch in his throat as the man wrapped his hands around a huge mug and took a long sip of his drink. Shaking his head, to rid himself of the blue screen his mind just became as he watched the man Sirius began the next part of his performance.

“Well, I hope you guys enjoyed that one cause honestly its one of my favorite songs at the moment. Now, for this next song I don’t wanna hear any hate because I know that some people insist on hating on this band but I personally love them. This is Nickelbacks [If Today Was Your Last Day](https://open.spotify.com/track/4QJLKU75Rg4558f4LbDBRi).” Sirius glanced back to the man and sighed, then looked down allowing his long black hair to obscure his sight as he began the first notes. The song was over quickly, met with more applause than he anticipated as the last time he tried to play a Nickelback song he nearly got booed out of the shop he was in.

“Ok, now I know it’s starting to get late and I know nobody wants to sit here listening to me all night so I just have one more for you guys. So, I figured now that since the first two songs were a bit on the blue side, I wanted to leave you with one that is more positive. This is actually one of my favorite songs of all time, every time I hear it, it just fills me with inspiration and a renewed will to continue on. I don’t know if any of you need that right now but if you do, I hope you get the same from it. This is from the band Shinedown’s newest album and it’s called [GET UP](https://open.spotify.com/track/6989QsZswK0KaDkdscscJ8).” For the last time that night Sirius’ voice began filling the shop washing over the people and enthralling them in its deep timbre, and as the song was drawing to a close Sirius looked up from his guitar to lock eyes with the man at the bar his eyes watching so intently he felt as if they would melt through him.

***

Sirius Black was magnetic, and simply put, Remus was not prepared for that. Though he absolutely loved music nights for the most part Remus didn’t actually pay attention during the performances. Usually he was behind the counter making drinks, actually doing his job for once and just listened to the music in the background. However, the moment Sirius Black opened his mouth to start rambling about not being prepared for a crowd he had felt the need to watch. The minute Remus had jumped over to sit at the bar he was happy he did, the musician was beautiful. He was wearing simple black skinny jeans that sported large holes that looked like they had been put there intentionally rather than been worn into the pants and a dark green muscle shirt that exposed his lightly toned arms that were adorned by black tattoos that looked like runes he remembered seeing in various history classes over the years. His frame was slender but not as if he was frail just naturally slim, his skin was so pale it looked like porcelain, Remus was curious if he touched him would he shatter? For the better part of his performance Sirius’ long black hair hung to obscure his face in a silky curtain, but during his last song of the night he flicked his hair over his shoulder and seemed to stare a hole straight into Remus’ soul. No longer obscured Remus was able to drink in the man’s simple aristocratic features and his jawline that could cut glass. Bright steely eyes bore into him and with each movement light would glint off of silver hoops adorning his lips, nose, and ears.

After the performance, Sirius gave a short farewell and thanked the crowd for listening before beginning to pack up his guitar. Remus was struck with the desire to go talk to him but unfortunately just as he slipped from his stool one of the other baristas bumped into a of the coffee makers shattering the pot. With a groan Remus reluctantly went to do his job and clean up the mess so the poor girl wouldn’t cut herself on the glass on top of everything else. A few minutes later he was just picking up the last couple of pieces of glass when Lily walked behind the counter.

“Hey, Remus where did you go? I wanted you to meet- wait what happened back here?” She asked seeing him crouched down.

“Ugg, nothing Jess knocked over a coffee pot, I didn’t want anyone getting cut on the glass,” he said with a sigh.

“Oh, I see, well she can finish mopping up the spill. I want you to come over and meet Sirius,” she simply took the mop out of his hand and gave it to the other girl with a pointed look at the spill.

“Yeah, sure. Just give me a minute to clean up a bit,” he said walking over to the sink and washing the coffee off. Soon the two were making their way through the slowly dispersing crowd to where James and Sirius were sat next to a window talking animatedly about something. As Lily and Remus approached the other two stopped their wild gesticulations when they saw them.

“James, you remember Remus, right?” she asked but without waiting for his answer she turns, “Sirius, this is Remus he is the owner of the shop, Remus this is Sirius,” she made mild gestures as she spoke. With introductions done Lily quickly plopped down in the open chair next to James and began a hushed conversation with him, leaving only the seat near Sirius open for Remus.

“Hey, its nice to meet you. I have to say your performance tonight was amazing, your voice is beautiful,” Remus said as he took his seat.

“Nah, it was nothing special,” he waved a bit dismissively, “I appreciate it though. I’m glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for having me in your place I’m loving the vibe you have going on here. I actually really like the star map; most people don’t really give a shit about the accuracy but it looks meticulous.”

“Oh, yeah I have a mild obsession with astronomy,” Remus said grinning a bit sheepishly. Suddenly out of the corner of his eye Remus saw Lily and James stand from their chairs.

“It’s getting kinda late guys so we are going to head home,” Lily said as they gathered their things. “Sirius, it was nice to finally meet you and Moony I will see you in the morning.”

“Night Pads, good night Remus see ya next time.” James said over his shoulder trailing after lily.

“Moony?” Sirius asked cocking an eyebrow inquisitively.

“Pads?” Remus mimicked, then chuckled. “Moony is Lily’s ‘clever’ nickname for me one, because my name directly translates to wolf wolf, and two, I actually have chronic insomnia so it’s her way of poking fun at me for being up with the moon. What about you?”

Scoffing at the silly explanation of the nickname, “Well I’m sorry to disappoint but honestly I don’t really get James’ reasoning behind it he says I move around so quietly that I scare the shit out of him all the time but I personally think he is just oblivious.” Suddenly, a crash from behind the counter draws their attention away from the conversation.

“Oh, for the love of god!” Remus says with a groan “I swear if she breaks one more thing tonight, so help me.”

“What happened?”

“It’s Jess, she’s one of our new hires. She drops things a lot. I’m sorry I need to go deal with that.”

“Nah, its ok I should probably head out anyway. Thanks again for letting me play here I had a great time.”

“It was great to have you, I really did enjoy the performance, night.” Remus said as he turned and jogged back to the counter to asses the damage done to their espresso machine. As he picks up some of the broken pieces Remus glances up to catch a glimpse of Sirius walking past one of the front windows. Sighing to himself Remus is struck with an urge to run after him.

“Oh, fuck it!” he said putting down the pieces and turning to Jess “I’ll be back in a minute, don’t touch this.” Remus quickly hopped from behind the counter to break out in a jog to catch up to Sirius.

“Sirius! Wait, I want to ask you something really quick,” by the time he had caught up Sirius had been about to climb onto his motorcycle. Now clad in a worn leather jacket and helmet his guitar was tightly strung to his back. He turned around at Remus’ call.

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“Well, no worries if you don’t want to but, I get off work around eight do you maybe want to go to breakfast with me?”

“Umm, yeah, that sounds great,” Sirius says a bit lamely as he was caught off guard by Remus’ suddenly asking him out. “Here, I’ll give you my number shoot me a text with the time and place, I’ll meet you there.” Sirius took the offered phone quickly adding himself to the contacts.

“Awesome, I’ll see you in a couple of hours then. Good night Sirius.”

“Good night Remus.” He said as Remus began jogging back into the shop.

***

Riding back to James’ apartment the only thought in Sirius’ mind was ‘Oh, fuck! Oh, Fuck! How the hell did that happen’ it played on a loop until he pulled into the parking garage and he had a moment to compose himself. Not that he actually acted composed as he began running through the halls of the apartment complex shouting.

“PRONGSIEEEE! Prongs!” Sirius shouted as he unlocked their door. Walking into the main area he realized that the place was deserted. “Where the fuck are you man, I thought you were coming back to the apartment.” He said a bit dejectedly wandering over to the kitchen in hopes of grabbing a water from the fridge provided his fucker of a best friend hadn’t forgotten to restock earlier. As he grabbed the handle Sirius noticed a new sheet of paper that had been pinned down by a magnet amongst the countless other notes, lists, and doodles leftover from when James would baby sit his cousins that covered nearly every surface of the fridge. Pulling the paper from the magnet holding it he read:

‘Pads, sorry to ditch you like this I know we were supposed to get breakfast, but Lily wanted me to come over. I promise I’ll make it up to you when I get home.

-Prongs

P.S. I told you Remus was a gorgeous specimen of a man, didn’t I? You’re welcome. ;)’

At the mention of Remus’s name Sirius’ pulse quickened and he was suddenly parched, at the thought that he would be meeting up with the man in a couple of hours. Leaving the note on the counter he grabbed a water bottle and headed to his room hoping to get some sleep before meeting up with Remus. Opting to sleep in his boxers rather than search for a clean pair of joggers, Sirius shed his jeans and shirt to plop down into the soft sheets of his bed only just then feeling the fatigue that had been building throughout the night. Remembering that Remus was supposed to text him about where and when they were to meet Sirius unlocked his phone and was greeted with a message from an unknown number:

(Unknown 1:43 a.m.) ‘Hey, this is Remus. If you are still up for getting breakfast, would you like to meet me at 9 ¾ café on the corner of Castle and Hall St. at say 9:30?’

Smiling at his phone Sirius quickly typed his reply:

(Sent 2:05 a.m.) ‘That sounds perfect, I’m gunna catch a couple hours of sleep but I’ll see you soon.’

(Remus 2:07 a.m.) ‘Looking forward to it, sleep tight. (-.-) zzZZ’

Sirius soon fell asleep with a small smile on his face.

***

Remus was so jittery with nerves he felt like he had downed an entire pot of coffee, though he had never been short of people asking him out, it had been ages since the last time he felt the urge to say yes and longer still was the last time he asked someone out himself. If he was being honest with himself, Remus hadn’t been on a proper date since his first year of college. After all nobody wanted a relationship with a workaholic. So, the fact that he was horribly out of practice in the realm of dating coupled with how achingly attractive he found Sirius, Remus was ready to jump out of his skin at any minute. However, the short conversation he had had him grinning far more than normal throughout the rest of his shift.

The night seemed to pass at a snail pace, each minute ticking by in slow motion. Remus would try to busy himself with a task just to find that by the time he finished only a few minutes had passed, it was maddening. His book could no longer hold his attention, the storage room had been organized, the dishes had been washed then dried then put away, each appliance had been polished, and the counter had been wiped down probably twenty times. Suffice to say by the time Lily arrived to take over his shift Remus was nearly pulling his hair out from anxiety.

“Morning Moony,” She said sauntering behind the counter and pulling her flaming hair into a ponytail. When no response came, she glanced over to find Remus staring into a cup of coffee that had long since gone cold, walking over to him Lily gently placed her hand on his shoulder hoping to snap Remus out of the trance.

“Remus?” The moment her hand made contact, he jumped so hard he knocked his mug of the counter shattering the ceramic on the floor.

“Oh, shit! Sorry Lils, I didn’t notice you come in.” He said stooping to clean up the mess on the floor.

“Everything alright Moony? You were completely gone.” Grabbing one of the rags from under the counter Lily began sopping up the spilled coffee.

“Oh, I’m fine just a bit distracted is all.”

“Remus,” her tone was so firm that Remus felt he had to look up, her eyes were set, obviously not convinced by his nonchalant answer. “If you don’t wanna talk that’s fine, but I’m always here to listen if you have a problem.”

Finished gathering the shards of his destroyed mug Remus pushed out of his crouched position to throw them in the trash bin. With a long sigh he leaned against the counter waiting for Lily to finish discarding the soiled rag in the laundry hamper.

“Well,” he paused trying and failing to gather his thoughts “you know Sirius, right?” he asked lamely.

“Yes, I know him. Not super well, I only met him face to face last night but yeah.”

“Well, after you and James left last night, I asked him to get breakfast with me today and he said yes.”

“Ok, that sounds great I’m not sure I’m seeing the problem, Sirius seemed like a nice guy.”

“Ugg, that’s just it Lils,” out of frustration Remus leaned forward and began pacing the length of the bar as he spoke. “He was nice, and interesting, and attractive. And I’m well… I’m me!” he gestured to himself. “I mean there is a reason I haven’t dated in years, seriously I’m a workaholic with the personality of fucking drywall, what are we even going to talk about?” 

Lily simply leaned against the counter watching him pace listening and waiting for him to finish the rant.

“I’m just so fucking nervous. I have no clue what I’m doing.” Remus said finally plopping down on one of the bar stools and let his head fall to the counter with a thump seemingly done with his rant.

“Remus, look at me,” he raised his head to look into Lily’s steely eyes, “I know its hard to start something new with someone, and its been awhile since you’ve done it so you feel awkward. But believe me when I tell you that _anybody_ would be lucky to be with you. I don’t know what you mean by having the personality of drywall because to me you are an extremely kind and funny person. And that’s not even bringing up the fact that you are literally the most attractive person I know, don’t tell James I said that, just be you and I know Sirius will be charmed. Ok with that said, the advice portion of todays program is over, back to your regularly scheduled barista.” At Lily’s words a bit of the tension coiled in Remus’ stomach dissolved, glancing down at his watch he noticed that it was nearly eight.

“Thanks Lils, you’re the best. Panic averted but I gotta go get ready now because I’m supposed to meet up with him at nine thirty.” Jumping down from his stool Remus slips around the counter to give Lily a brief hug.

***

Sirius was running late. Apparently, he had forgotten to set an alarm before he fell asleep so he didn’t wake up until nearly nine when James trampled in through the front door. For once in the long time they had known each other Sirius was grateful that he had the grace of a drunk hippo. Startled from sleep by the noise Sirius glanced at his phone and nearly jumped out of bed when he saw the time.

“Fuck!” he yelled viciously yanking his long hair into a ponytail so it was out of the way as he darted to the bathroom. “Fuck! Fuck! FUCK!” at this point Sirius repeated shouting as he scrubbed his face, seemed to catch James’ attention.

“Hey, you ok in there, Pads?” he shouted from the kitchen with only a hint of concern in his voice.

“Fuck!” was the echoing response from the bathroom. With growing curiosity James sauntered over to the bathroom door and knocked.

“I’m opening this door in like three seconds, don’t be naked.” Waiting the promised three seconds James wrenched open the door only to be greeted with Sirius simultaneously brushing his teeth and applying eye liner which was mildly impressive albeit ridiculous looking.

"I’m late!”

“Late? Since when do you make plans without meeee?” James voice turned to a whine as he dramatically gripped the door frame “Am I being replaced by some new mystery friend?” At this point Sirius had finished in the bathroom and was squeezing past James to jog back to his room.

Sighing, “If you must know, ya nosy bastard,” he walked to the closet and rummaged through the contents looking for something presentable “Remus asked if I would want to go to breakfast with him this morning.” He finally settled on a faded pare of black jeans that fit his body like a second skin and a white tank top with the Queen logo on the front, the shirt may or may not have originally been a woman’s but he rocked it so its ok. Sirius’ words left James spluttering as he started stripping, “Prongs, if you don’t want to see me naked, you’re gunna have to close the door.” Startled by the comment James realized that Sirius had begun stripping and backed out into the hall and stepped out of the line of sight but left the door open.

“What the hell man, I leave you alone for five minutes and you get a date with literally one of the most attractive men in town?”

“Yeah well what can I say I’m irresistible, I simply exude charm and finesse.” Sirius replied in biting sarcasm, as he topped off his outfit with his worn black leather jacket and did a quick once over in the mirror making sure he didn’t look like trash. He quickly jogged to the front door past James who still looked a little flabbergasted by the turn of events. Grabbing his helmet and unlocking the door he turned to James, “I’m sorry man, I would stay and talk but I’m supposed to be there in like ten minutes, so I gotta go.” With a snick he closed the door and began jogging down the hall to the parking garage once again leaving James spluttering behind him.

When Sirius pulled up to 9 ¾ café he silently thanked whatever god happened to be rooting for him as the only available parking spot on the entire black happened to be directly in front of the café. Scrambling down from his bike Sirius checked the time, it was nine thirty on the dot breathing a sigh of relief that he wasn’t horribly late he quickly ducked through the front door and looked around hoping to find Remus. He spotted the man in one of the booths directly next to the large windows that lined that walls of the small restaurant. Remus was hunched over the table a bit and looked to be reading some sort of book, the gentle morning light shining through the window made him look like he was almost glowing, each soft curl catching and bending the light to make a halo around his head. Looking up from his book when he heard the tinkling of the bell on the door when Sirius entered, Remus quickly caught his eyes and smiled. As he stood Sirius noticed that he was wearing loose blue jeans that looked old and cozy with holes worn through at the knees, he had on a red and gold sweater layered over a white button down that was only peaking through at the collar and the cuffs.

“Hey, I’m glad you came,” Remus said walking towards him.

“Wouldn’t miss it, sorry I’m late. Apparently, I forgot to set an alarm last night but Prongs is loud as fuck in the mornings and woke me up just in time.”

“Nah, you’re right on time so don’t worry about it,” they walked back over to the booth Remus had been sitting at and he had to ask, “so do you mind if I ask what Prongs is?” Curiosity was written on his face, but Sirius simply chuckled beginning to speak just as the server came over to take their order.

“Prongs,” Sirius began after they had placed their orders, “is the nickname that James earned for himself when we were in school, and this one I _can_ explain,” he paused unsure if Remus would actually want to hear the story.

“I’m all ears.” Remus said, hands wrapped around the mug of coffee in front of him his eyes trained on Sirius.

“Well, James and I went to this fancy boarding school together since we were super young and it was like out in the middle of a random forest, and there was always this giant herd of deer just chilling around the dorms. So, when we were in like ninth grade, one of our friends had snuck in a couple of bottles of vodka and we were like, ‘Fuck it!’ we skipped our classes and spent the day drinking. Well, it was like the middle of the day and James just randomly jumps up and shouts out ‘I have to do it!’ then he starts sprinting out of the room, we were all like ‘what the fuck man?’ but followed him out. Well by the time we got outside we just see him straight up mount this huge stag and it starts sprinting into the forest. It took forever but when we eventually found him, he was passed out on the ground in the middle of the woods, luckily the only thing that got broken was his glasses. Yeah, so ever since he has been Prongs because he straight up rode a fucking deer.” By the time Sirius had finished the story both he and Remus were laughing hysterically at the mental image of James mounting a deer and it darting into the woods with him in tow, their server gave them an odd look as she set their meals down in front of them.

“Oh, my god. That is amazing, I think that is officially the best reason behind a nickname.” Remus said his grin still splitting his face. The conversation flowed easily between the two, they talked about how Sirius had spent the last several years traveling the world with his uncle who just recently passed away, and how he was back to finally finish school at the local college. They talked about Remus’ coffee shop and all the shit he had to go through to get it to be what he had envisioned. Topics would easily morph from one thing to another, though they both seemed to sidestep around topics that were just a bit too sensitive, they talked until their server was hovering obviously wanting them to vacate the table.

“Well, Remus I had a great time this morning. If you are up for it, we should do it again sometime,” Sirius said as they walked out the front door onto the quiet street.

“Yeah that would be awesome,” Remus replied grinning as they stopped in front of Sirius’ bike. Before Sirius could put his helmet on Remus caught his arm and gently pulled him into a light hug. “I’ll text you later. Bye Sirius.” He said stepping away.

“Bye Remus, I’ll see ya later.” When he finally began to pull away from the curb the smile that spread on Sirius’ face stayed there for the remainder of his day.

***

Within the following weeks of them meeting, Remus and Sirius quickly fell into place in each-others lives. Sirius began school which cut his free time down to next to nothing, luckily he happened to know a perfect place to study. After his final class of the day Sirius would spend hours at Polaris, the last two stools at the bar became unofficially his as he would spread countless papers and textbooks across the counter. Remus would keep him supplied in caffeine and provide an occasional but much welcomed break from the work. One night, merely seconds before Sirius would have started banging his head on the counter out of frustration, Remus gently placed a simple ceramic plate with a blueberry scone onto the textbook that Sirius had been glaring daggers at.

“Here, take a break you look like your about to rip your hair out.” Sirius glanced up to find Remus standing on the opposite side of the bar with a gentle smile on his face.

“Yeah, that’s because I am,” he said letting out a long drawn out groan of frustration, “I have been working on this same problem for the last twenty minutes and its just not fucking working.”

“Lets see, what are you working on?” Remus asked sliding the textbook and Sirius’ scratch work in front of him to look.

“Stupid fucking Chemistry, that’s what.” He said beginning to munch on the scone. Remus quickly read the problem then over Sirius’ work.

“Oh, I see what you are doing wrong,” he said sliding the work back in front of Sirius to point out the error. “You’re using the wrong equation, you use this one earlier in the problem but then use the answer for the variable in this one,” he pointed to the new equation he had written down under Sirius’ work.

“Are you shitting me?” groaning in frustration again. “How did you even know that? And it only took you like two minutes.”

“Oh, I umm.. I got my Masters in Bio and had to take a ton of chem classes. I guess I got pretty good at it, I actually used to tutor for it to make a bit of money.” Remus said a bit sheepishly.

Looking up from the problem Sirius locks eyes with Remus and deadpans, “Damn, that’s hot. I love me a man that can flex his knowledge on me.”

Snorting at the absurdity of the comment, Remus picks up the now empty plate, “Oh my god. I’m gunna let you finish your homework now, let me know if you need help.”

“Thanks, I will.” Sirius replies watching Remus walk away before turning back to his homework.

That quickly became their pattern, Sirius would study while Remus worked, occasionally lending a hand with a difficult problem until Sirius finished. They continued meeting for breakfast, after Remus finished his shift and before Sirius went to class, it mutually became both of their favorite part of the day, and when they were apart during the rest of the day they would constantly be messaging back and forth. Usually the messages consisted of conversations on the most random of topics, memes, latte art, and obligatory gym selfies that drove Sirius mad especially when he receives them in the middle of his three-hour lecture about the different characteristics of rocks.

It was during breakfast a couple days after midterms when Remus asked him.

“Hey Sirius?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you want to go on a date with me? And I’m not talking this kinda thing,” he gestured around them at the café, “I mean like an actual date; fancy clothes, I’ll bring you flowers when I pick you up, the whole nine yards.”

An infectious smile spread across Sirius’ face when he looked up to meet Remus’ eyes, “I would love that, I’m on brake now that midterms are over so just let me know when you are picking me up.”

“How about seven o’clock Friday night? I’ll pick you up at your place.”

“Sounds perfect, I’m looking forward to it.” Sirius said turning back to his food.

“Me too.” Remus replied earnestly taking a long sip of his coffee.

***

At six thirty Friday night Sirius was in a bit of a state, he had on a pair of black jeans and socks but no shoes or shirt, hair was softly plaited down his back.

“How is it that I own literally nothing nice when it comes to clothes!” he shouted to James who was standing in the doorway watching in amusement as Sirius systematically pulled every article of clothing from the closet. “And how is it that this little fact seemed to slip my mind until a half hour before he is supposed to pick me up! Why am I like this!”

Finally, deciding to take pity on his desperate friend, James sighed and said “Oh, come on. Follow me.” James led him out and over to his room then to the closet, leaning in he grabbed a pair of slacks and chucked them at Sirius’ head, “Put these on.” He continued to rummage around in the closet until he emerged with a pair of shiny black oxfords which he also chucked at Sirius’ who ducked deftly, a simple white button up, and a black tie with a delicate pattern of silver chrysanthemums. “There, now go finish getting ready.”

Sirius just finished smudging on a bit of black eyeliner when he heard the soft knock at the front door, glancing at his phone he saw it was seven on the dot. With a quick once over in the mirror satisfied with his appearance, he quickly went over to let Remus in. Opening the door revealed Remus was standing holding a bouquet of white carnations and deep burgundy alstroemeria. Sirius’ mouth watered a bit at how amazing he looked, he was wearing a black sports jacket that flexed on his strong arms and broad shoulders over a soft hunter green dress shirt unbuttoned at the collar, his black slacks were simple but were stretched over his muscled thighs in such a way that Sirius would probably have a heart attack to see how they looked on his ass.

Sirius sucked in a breath when he saw this, logic seemed to leave his mind at the sight of Remus in his doorway. In normal situations he would have been embarrassed to blatantly ogle someone but it seemed that Remus was just as struck as his eyes simply traveled from Sirius’ soft braided hair, to his face then down his body and back up.

Clearing his throat Remus seemed to gather his composure first, “Hey,” he said voice a bit deeper than normal.

“Hey yourself,”

“These are for you,” Remus handed the flowers to Sirius who smiled as warmth bloomed in his chest at the gesture.

“Thank you, they are beautiful. Come on in while I put these in water then we can go.” He opened the door a bit wider to let Remus in then headed to the kitchen to grab a vase for the flowers. “Carnations are actually my favorite flower,” he said filling the vase with tap water.

“Really?” Remus asked a little surprised by the information.

“Yeah, roses are cliché, lilies are too fragrant, sunflowers are nice but they never really appealed to me. Carnations are beautiful, there are so many varieties and they are pretty hardy and long lasting.”

“Well I’m glad I picked them then, I wasn’t sure you would like them though.” At that moment James decided to make his presence known as he sauntered into the kitchen. 

“Well hello there, and what are we talking about on this lovely evening?”

“Go away Prongs, were leaving in a minute.” Unable to help himself, Remus chuckled at the mental image the nickname conjured. Looking over at the sound James’ face turned to one of mock outrage as he realized what Remus was laughing at.

“You _told_ him!” he shrieked prompting Remus to laugh a bit harder, “how _could_ you! You spread my shame around like fucking Nutella on a bagel! I feel so betrayed!”

“Eh, you’ll get over it. Come on Remus let leave before he gets even more dramatic.” Sirius says setting the flowers in the middle of the counter and beginning to walk towards the door Remus quickly following still laughing at James’ outrage.

“Fine, leave me, go have your fun. Oh, and Sirius,” James called after him voice suddenly a bit more serious.

“What?”

“Remember its not lady like to put out on the first date!” he called out hoping to ruffle him as he was leaving.

Sirius just turned to call back, “I guess that makes you a right slut then doesn’t it.” Sirius quickly grabbed a dying Remus and pulled him into the hallway, closing the door on James still spluttering at the insult.

“Well that was fun,” Remus wheezed through his laughing.

“Oh my god, lets just go.” Sirius said with a tinge of pink creeping into his face.

“By all means, lets,” Remus finally breathing normally again slung his arm around Sirius’ shoulders to pull him into a gentle hug as they began walking to the parking garage.

Sirius had never been good with dating, he always found the silences awkward, he was always fidgety with nerves, and the person he was with always seemed to care more about what they were talking about rather than having an actual conversation. It had never been like that with Remus though, their conversations always seemed to flow never leaving enough time for silence to become awkward. Somehow Remus’ presence was comforting, soothing his nerves until he didn’t feel the need to fidget, tonight was no exception to that. Remus refused to tell Sirius what they were doing saying it was a surprise, they spent most of the drive to wherever they were going in silence neither feeling the need to chat and fill it, it was comforting. Remus drove them out of town into the surrounding forest, then pulled off onto a side road that seemed to never end as they wound their way up a mountain.

“Are you taking me out into the woods to murder me?” Sirius asked with a teasing lilt in his voice.

“Maybe, I guess you’ll have to wait and see. However, I do have to say that if you were to die in a ‘ _tragic accident’_ I’ll be sure to cry at your funeral.” Remus replied his eyes never straying from the road. Sirius simply scoffs at the comment and the little smirk that adorns Remus’ face as he continues to looks forward.

They continue on the road for another good twenty minutes until they suddenly break through the tree line to find a large vista point with a sharp drop off that overlooked a huge valley with a river snaking down through the bottom, in the distance across the valley Sirius could see a mountain range with bright snow tipped peaks. In the wide grassy area next to the drop off Sirius found a blanket had been laid out along with a bountiful picknick. Remus took Sirius’ hand and gently led him over to the blanket, the two easily settled down into relaxed positions resting against each other.

Once they are nice and comfy on the blanket Remus leans down to murmur close to Sirius’ ear, “Sorry its not super fancy, I thought we could watch the sunset, then maybe stargaze. I guess dressing up was probably overkill, but you look stunning tonight.” Remus’ warm breath ghosting over his ear and neck makes Sirius shiver his words causing a bright flush to paint his face.

“I could say the same to you,” Sirius said nuzzling backwards into Remus’ chest, his arms wrapping around his waist to hold him firmly in place, “nearly took my breath away when I saw you.” Sirius felt Remus’ deep laugh through his entire body, its warmth flooding through him. The two stayed like that, pressed together, quipping back and forth until the sun began to set behind the mountain peaks. The sky was suddenly painted in vibrant oranges and pinks, they morphed to a deep purple, then into a deep blue until the sky was finally a dark midnight black; bright diamond stars slowly blinking into light. Once the sky was a sheet of black velvet covered with chips of sparkling diamonds, Remus leaned forward a bit to raise his hand and point, mouth once again close to Sirius’ ear he murmured a single word.

“Look,” Sirius followed the hand that was pointing at the stars as it started tracing out the constellations. As he traced each one Remus would explain what each was, then the meaning and the lore behind it. “Do you know how to find your namesake?” Remus breathed next to his ear. At Sirius’ small shake of his head, Remus gently repositioned them so they were looking at a different part of the sky.

Pointing once again to the sky, Sirius followed Remus’ hand trace a pattern through the stars, “That is Canis Major, and that,” he said hand stopping to point at the brightest star in the pattern, “that is you. You know I think its my new favorite, so bright and beautiful.”

At the sweetly whispered words Sirius twisted in Remus’ arms until they were face to face, Sirius straddling Remus’ lap. The look in Remus’ glowing amber eyes was so soft that Sirius seemed to melt forward until their chests were pressed together, their lips only millimeters away from touching.

“Can I kiss you?” Remus asked in a low voice that Sirius could feel in his bones.

“Please do,” he answered, but instead of waiting for Remus to kiss him Sirius leaned forward the rest of the way. He allowed their lips to brush together lightly before pulling back a bit, Remus followed after him catching his lips once more and deepening the kiss. It was soft and hesitant, both unsure of how to touch each other. Remus’ hands lightly traveled up Sirius’ sides to thread through his loosely braided hair, prompting a small moan, taking this as a positive Remus allowed his hands to run through the long hair until it was no long in its plait just loose and soft. They continued to softly breathe each other in until they had to pull apart, Sirius watched as Remus eyes flicked from his swollen and slicked lips up to his eyes, he watched the heat that flashed there flare bright for a moment.

“Do you wanna head home?” he asked, and from the tone Sirius could tell he wasn’t talking about James’ flat.

“Yeah, I do.” He answered.

***

The drive back into town was quiet, neither having much to say as they simply enjoyed each other’s company. Occasionally Remus would glance over to the passenger seat taking in the sight of the other man, each time a powerful rush of affection and desire would wash through him, the feeling was maddening. Soon though Remus pulled into the alley behind Polaris, he quickly led Sirius up a metal staircase to his flat on the second floor of the building.

“I didn’t realize this building had a second floor,” Sirius commented looking around as Remus went to unlock the door.

“Oh, yeah. Its only over the back half of the shop where the storage room is, that way it allows for the ceiling of the shop to be so open.” Remus flipped on the light and stepped aside to let Sirius into the flat quickly shedding his jacket and tossing it over a coat rack next to the door. Sirius took in the simple space and he loved it, walking into the flat was like walking into a library, virtually every wall was covered in vast floor to ceiling book shelves that were positively packed with books on every topic one could imagine from poetry to science textbooks, and from history books to manga. The shelves were broken up by a large window and desk placed underneath, in the center of the main room was an ornate couch, it had deep burgundy cushions made of crushed velvet, trimmed entirely in a golden wood that had been glazed and polished to shine, it honestly looked far too fancy for the little space.

When Sirius raised a questioning eyebrow at the piece of furniture that seemed so out of place in the otherwise cozy flat Remus answered simply, “I found it at a thrift shop for like twenty bucks, I needed a couch and it was the cheapest I could find.”

Sirius didn’t even have a moment to respond to the silly idea of buying a horribly fancy couch because it was cheep before Remus was on him. His strong arms pinning him firmly against the door, mouth kissing him with a searing heat. Sirius thought he might burst into flames from the intensity, until Remus pulled back slightly.

“Is this ok?” Remus asked earnestly his eyes burning a hole into Sirius’ soul.

“Gods, yes,” Sirius breathed wanting nothing more than Remus’ mouth back on his.

“Good, but please tell me if I do something wrong,” Remus’ deep voice and concerned tone was driving Sirius crazy.

“I will Re, just please touch me.”

Remus chuckled at the needy tone, he leaned down to start sucking and nipping at the soft space just below Sirius’ ear, “And what if I don’t?” he whispered letting his mouth ghost over the shell of Sirius’ ear causing him to shiver violently.

“Please?” Sirius’ hands had made their way into Remus’ soft curls, seeming to move on their own as they pulled Remus desperately closer.

“Well, if you insist,” Remus suddenly moved back to Sirius’ mouth enveloping him in heat once more.

While their first kiss in the woods had been soft and hesitant, this was anything but, as Remus kissed with an all-consuming fervor that drew a small whimper from Sirius before he could help it. Soon though it was Sirius who took control, pushing back against Remus’ strength to explore his mouth freely. Sirius’ hands had traveled down from Remus’ hair down the expanse of his back and were just beginning to tug his shirt free when Remus froze, hands snapping to catch Sirius’ wrists before he could finish freeing the shirt.

“Wait,” he said pulling back his expression a bit panicked, “I actually need to tell you something first.” Remus paused for a moment a bit sheepishly, “Do you remember awhile back when I told you about my mom?” Sirius nodded, vividly remembering when Remus had told him how his mom had passed away in a horrible car accident when he was very young, her car had been crushed by a semi driver that had lost control of the truck. “Well, I didn’t tell you then but, I was actually in the car with her when we were hit. The accident shredded most of my left side and a large portion of my back, so now I have some pretty bad scarring. I know some people get freaked out by it so I try to let people know before they you know see it,” Remus looked away in shame. Sirius was suddenly filled with a tender feeling towards Remus and a burning hatred towards whoever made him feel like he should ever be ashamed of his scars.

“Remus,” Sirius said his tone soft, “please look at me.” Remus finally looked up from the rug his gaze had been eating through to meet Sirius’ eyes. “I could never be ‘freaked out’ by anything about you, and if someone ever was, they are so shallow that literally goldfish would beach themselves.”

The statement prompted Remus to chuckle weakly, “That was stupid,” he said with a small smile on his lips.

“Yeah, I know.” Sirius lifted his hands to place them on Remus chest, “may I?” he asked indicating the material under his fingers. Remus nodded, allowing him to begin slowly unbuttoning the shirt, then gently sliding it from his body. Now free of the shirt Sirius was able to take in Remus’ strong body, just as he had said, thick rope like scars ran across his entire left side: his arm, his ribs, chest, back, and down past the waistband of his pants, however, there was something else too. Remus had adorned his body with an elegant tattooed willow tree. The artistry of the tattoo worked in conjunction of the scars letting their texture become the bark, letting the stretching ropes of once ripped flesh become the branches and the roots then adorning them with gracefully trailing tendrils or letting them wrap around boulders buried in the earth of Remus’ skin.

“I got the tattoo when I turned eighteen, I figured that if people are going to stare, I wanted to choose what they were staring at.”

“Hmm,” Sirius hummed low in his throat letting his fingers trail lightly across Remus’ chest, “why a willow tree?” he asked.

“Oh, no reason in particul-ahh… particular,” Remus responded his voice catching as Sirius leaned forward to suck a nipple into his mouth, “I love the way they look and I thought it could create an interesting design with the scars.”

“It’s beautiful,” Sirius murmured against his throat licking and sucking his way up to Remus ear until he was able to graze his teeth along the shell, “you’re beautiful,” he whispered. The hands that had been resting on Sirius waist tightened and pulled their bodies flush together. Sirius’ mouth kissed along Remus’ stubble covered jaw finally catching his lips in another burning kiss, Remus was pliant under his hands and his mouth. The two never breaking the kiss, gradually made their way to the ridiculously fancy couch until Remus’ knees buckled forcing him to sit, Sirius followed his legs spreading to straddle Remus’ lap. Remus’ hands had drifted up Sirius’ body to grip his tie holding him in place in their kiss, when they finally broke apart each gasping for air, he quickly loosened the tie until it slipped from his neck to the floor behind them.

“Remus,” Sirius gasped, “Please touch me. Please,” at his prompting a switch seemed to flip in Remus. With a growl deep in his throat Remus leaned forward to catch Sirius’ lip with his teeth, winding his arms tight and secure around Sirius’ body he hefted him up to roughly flip him onto his back his head raised on the armrest. Still caged between Sirius’ thighs, Remus allowed his hands to wandered across his body slowly unbuttoning his shirt until he was able to push it open and reveal Sirius’ lightly toned torso, his pale skin adorned by the same runic symbols that he had seen on his arms. Breaking out of their burning kiss Remus’ mouth drifted down, sucking marks into that pale skin as he went until his mouth made its way down the dark happy trail to the waistband of his pants. He quickly unbuckled both of their belts and opened their flies to finally allow their hard, flushed cocks to brush together.

“Oh god,” Sirius breathed whimpering at the feeling of their cocks sliding together, “Come here, please.” Remus leaned up again to recapture his lips biting and sucking, hands tangling into that silky black hair. Sirius hands made their way down to grip his waist urging their bodies together, Sirius thought that the moan Remus made at the friction of their cocks together should be illegal, it was so fucking filthy. Sirius was writhing at the feeling, so hot he thought he would burst into flames at any moment, breaking out of the kiss he turned his head to allow Remus to suck at his neck, his face brushing against the crushed velvet of the armrest.

Suddenly Sirius was snapped from the moment, every muscle in his body went ridged and his mind was back to the last time he felt that particular type of posh furniture. He was back in his parent estate bleeding and broken after a particularly bad confrontation with his parents. He was back watching through swollen black eyes at his brothers pitying face as it turned away leaving him to fend for himself. He was back feeling his father’s rings dig into his face as he beat him. He couldn’t breathe. ‘NO! Not now’ he shouted in his mind, ‘why now!’

“Remus, stop, please,” he said in a quiet voice barely above a whisper, “stop.”

At the whispered words Remus’ body froze as he pulled back, “Of course, are you all right? Did I hurt you somewhere?” his questioning look quickly turning into concern as Sirius’ body began to tremble.

“No. I just… I need to… I can’t… I…” Sirius’ breaths were rapid and shallow; adrenaline was coursing through his body. Pushing Remus off him completely Sirius darted from the couch to begin pacing the small room. He felt like he was about to explode as he resisted the urge to tear every single book from the walls, or to beat the ever-loving fuck out of the next thing that touched him. In his head Sirius could feel every bruise bloom back and every cut split open as his parents berated him over and over with every derogatory name in the book, ‘sodomite, faggot, fairy, queer,’ countless others, they played on a loop in his brain. He wanted to scream to fight but his lungs couldn’t draw enough breath and his body had become paralyzed locking him into place in the middle of Remus’ living room. 

“Sirius, Love?” Remus whispered next to him, “please look at me?” he asked, the words barely registered in Sirius’ ears until Remus stepped into his line of sight to meet his glazed over eyes. “It’s ok, just breathe with me,” he began taking very deep breaths in, holding for a moment then letting it out slowly, Sirius did his best to imitate but only achieving a shuddering broken breath. “That’s it love, keep trying,” Remus continued to guide his breathing until it was less strained and his body began to wilt with fatigue from holding his muscles ridged.

Remus began to lead him back to the couch to sit when Sirius went stiff again, “No, please… I… I can’t…” he said beginning to shiver anew.

“Ok,” Remus said calmly, “not the couch, then how about this?” he asked sliding down to sit on the soft shag carpet, Sirius nodded numbly allowing Remus to guide him onto the floor. They simply sat there, calm and silent until Sirius was finally back to himself enough to speak.

“I’m sorry,” he said weakly, “I’m sorry you had to see that, I didn’t mean to,” Remus remained quiet, waiting for him to continue. “It… it was the texture of the couch” at Remus’ confused look at the admission, Sirius spoke in barely a whisper “the furniture at my parent’s estate were the same type of velvet, they were black but they felt the same.” Remus was afraid that if he spoke it would scare away this part of Sirius that he kept so hidden. “Re, there is a reason I haven’t told you about my family, I… I just… I cant really talk about it, it hurts too much,” he looked around desperately trying to find a way to communicate the pain he was feeling. His eyes found a guitar peeking out from behind a pile of books stacked near the desk, it looked sad and forgotten, like it hadn’t been used in years but it might serve his purpose. “May I,” he asked gesturing at the guitar, Remus nodded still a bit afraid to talk. Sirius retrieved the instrument giving it a few strums and tweaks to make sure its in tune, “I’ve always been better at communicating through music, its one of the reasons I love it. I hope you understand, because I _need_ you to understand,” he said eyes drifting closed as he began to sing a [song](https://open.spotify.com/track/5USTKCL6YA8vutJHK1aQjL) Remus had never heard before.

_You pray for quiet,_

_Inside your head the screams won't silence_

_I remember those days_

_The terror past our home, the fear that's in your bones,_

_It just won't go away, no._

_The strangle holds, the insulting names,_

_The wound up shirt around his fist, the nose to nose beer stinking breath._

_Thrown down onto the floor, so battered, bruised and sore_

_Choke down on the truth of it, and touch it until you break your neck_

_Hell's where I was born! Hell's where I was raised,_

_This hell is where I'm from and this hell is where I'll stay._

_The hush is all I need, to hush the misery_

_The hush that belongs to me, like the hush inside of dreams_

_Just be still and pray, and let the noise just fade away._

_Retain to violence_

_Atop your heart like a secret closet,_

_So no one can penetrate_

_You just can't stand the touch, affection weighs too much,_

_You push everyone away from_

_The reckoning! The bitter stings,_

_Whipped so bad I pissed myself still with a beating stub held belt_

_If this reminds you of home, you better know you're not alone_

_Hold the gun up to my head, I'll pull the trigger on myself!_

_Hell's where I was born! Hell's where I was raised,_

_This hell is where I'm from and this hell is where I'll stay._

_The hush is all I need, to hush the misery_

_The hush that belongs to me, like the hush inside of dreams_

_Just be still and pray_

_These are the memories. In me_

_You didn't want to know! You didn't want to know!_

_These are the memories we keep_

_We don't want to show! We don't want to show!_

_By now you need to know, (You're not alone)_

_Hush is all I need, hush the misery_

_Hush belongs to me, like the hush inside of dreams_

_Hell's where I was born! Hell's where I was raised,_

_This hell is where I'm from and this hell is where I'll stay_

_The hush is all I need, to hush the misery_

_The hush that belongs to me, like the hush inside of dreams_

_Just be still and pray and let the noise just fade away_

Without missing a beat Sirius’ rough growl turned smooth as butter as the last gut-wrenching lyric turned into the more familiar but none the less heartbreaking sound of [Hallelujah](https://open.spotify.com/track/4hTg9q0AnxtH4yZKeRcMin). Sirius’ voice was strong and true never missing a note, but filled with so much pain that Remus wanted nothing more than to wrap him in his arms protecting him from a world that had left him shattered and broken. As he held the final note of the song Sirius’ eyes fluttered open allowing the tears that had gathered there to roll down his cheeks. Seeing the sadness reflected in Remus’ eyes he smiled weakly knowing that his message had made it through.

“Remus, before you say anything,” he said just as he had opened his mouth to speak, “I want to finish, because it’s important that I say this. I have issues, like a lot of them, and I have gotten pretty good at hiding that fact. Almost good enough that I fooled myself into believing I could be normal, that I could live a normal life, but I can’t. The ghosts of my past, all of my baggage will always be there no matter how hard I try to lock it away or hide it, and believe me no one deserves to be stuck with this mess of a human. I am so sorry but I just, I don’t think I can do this,” Sirius sadly gestured at them then casting his eyes down to the carpet.

“Sirius, we all have baggage and I would never judge you for a past that you didn’t had control of, you have become such an important person to me. But I would never want to force you into something that you don’t want or feel you are ready for; I will respect whatever it is you decide. Just know that I will always be here for you, for anything and everything. You need a shoulder to lean on I’m there, you need to hide a body I’ve got shovels in my car,” the joke brought a small smile to Sirius face.

“Thank you, Re, that means more to me than you know. But do you think you could just take me home, please?” Sirius asked looking almost like a kicked puppy.

“Yeah, of course.” Remus said his heart filling with a terrible sadness for this man he had come to love.

***

“He’s avoiding me,” Remus said sighing deeply as he lay his entire upper body on the counter, “I miss him Lily.”

“Well why don’t you go try to find him?” she asked while steaming the milk for a latte.

“Because I told him I would respect his decision if he didn’t want to be with me, I just didn’t think he would disappear entirely or that I would miss him this much. I’ve gotten so used to seeing him here everyday studying or texting him when he’s in class, I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore,” Remus said sighing again.

“I mean I get that but you can still respect his decision not to be in a romantic relationship but ask him to continue being your friend can’t you?” she asked lightly snapping him with a towel to get him to move off of the counter so she could wipe it down.

“I guess so, but I don’t want to pressure him if that’s not something he wants.”

With a disgruntled sigh Lily crossed her arms in front of her and cocked her hip to the side, “Ok look, you didn’t hear this information from me but I have it on good authority that Sirius hasn’t been doing super great. Honestly, I think he could probably use your support right now.”

“Hmm,” Remus said thinking, an idea finally striking him he turned to look at his best friend, “hey Lily? Do you think James could get Sirius to come to the performance on Friday?”

“I’ll see what I can do,” she answered, smiling ruefully at the determined glint in Remus’ eyes.

***

“Pads, you can’t wallow in self-pity forever!” James shouted through Sirius’ bedroom door.

“Watch me,” came the muffled reply shortly followed by the sound of a pillow thumping against the door.

“You’ve been in there for like a week, and you know what I don’t even get why you are so upset over this,” he shouted hoping to rile Sirius up enough for him to open the door, and just as he expected after only a couple of seconds the door flung open to reveal a haggard Sirius.

“I’m upset, because I utterly fucked everything up!” he shouted “I finally found someone who seemed to genuinely like me and I had to go and fuck it up because I couldn’t keep my brain in check!”

“Did he say that? That he didn’t want to be with you because of what happened?” James asked knowing full well that isn’t what happened.

“No,” he answered deflating back into a listless state flopping down onto his bed and throwing an arm over his face, “he said he would always be there for me and he would respect whatever I decided.”

“Well if its up to you then why are you deciding to be miserable?”

Sirius gave an exasperated sigh then answered, “because, I can’t subject someone to having to deal with this,” he gestured to himself “every day.”

“Shouldn’t that be his decision though? Remus likes you, and from what I’ve seen, your mental state didn’t seem to change that. Honestly, he misses you. He mopes around like a lost puppy.” James said moving to sit on the bed, “Sirius, just take a chance on being happy, let someone in for once.”

“I don’t know how,” Sirius whispered from underneath his arm.

“Well, Remus wanted you to go to Polaris tonight, why don’t you start by going and telling him how you feel. After that you guys can figure it out together.”

***

When the small bell chimed when he walked through the door Sirius considered bolting right back out into the night. Fortunately, the Friday night crowd gave him enough cover that he was able to slip into the coffee shop unnoticed, he had decided on the ride over that he would wait until after the show when the larger groups of people had left to talk to Remus. Slipping into one of the open seats left available, Sirius fiddled with the hem of his jacket horribly impatient, just wanting everyone to leave so he could talk with Remus in peace. After a few tortuous minutes of waiting Sirius was very much considering just going up to the counter to it over with when a familiar voice suddenly started over the speakers.

“Hey, everyone. Thank you all for coming out tonight, I know its kinda weird for me to be up here but I have something I need to say to someone very special. It seems music is the best way to communicate with him but I’m gunna warn you its been a hot minute since I’ve performed for anyone so my apologies if this is horrible.” At Remus soft deep voice echoing through the speakers Sirius nearly jumped from his chair making his way up to the little platform where he had performed not long ago. Remus was sitting on the stool holding that old battered guitar, the LED lights making his golden curls glow like a halo. “Ok, I guess I’ve stalled long enough,” Remus said beginning to strum the guitar, “I really hope you are listening, so, this is [Unity](https://open.spotify.com/track/2Bu4dB6VHWtSUn4cyLAjNU) by Shinedown.”

_I found a note with your name_

_And a picture of us_

_Even though it was framed_

_And covered in dust_

_It's the map in my mind that sends me on my way_

_They say it's never too late_

_To stop being afraid_

_And there is no one else here_

_So why should I wait?_

_And in the blink of an eye the past begins to fade_

_So have you ever been caught in a sea of despair?_

_And your moment of truth_

_Is the day that you say "I'm not scared"_

_Put your hands in the air_

_If you hear me out there_

_I've been looking for you day and night_

_Shine a light in the dark_

_Let me see where you are_

_'Cause I'm not gonna leave you behind_

_If I told you that you're not alone_

_And I show you this is where you belong_

_Put your hands in the air_

_One more time_

_I've seen a million miles_

_Met a million faces_

_Took all I knew_

_To reach all these places_

_And I'd do it again_

_If it brings me back to you_

_So have you ever been caught in a sea of despair?_

_And your moment of truth_

_Is the day that you say "I'm not scared"_

_Put your hands in the air_

_If you hear me out there_

_I've been looking for you day and night_

_Shine a light in the dark_

_Let me see where you are_

_'Cause I'm not gonna leave you behind_

_If I told you that you're not alone_

_And I show you this is where you belong_

_Put your hands in the air_

_One more time_

_Put your hands in the air_

_Put your hands in the air_

_If you hear me out there_

_I've been looking for you day and night_

_Shine a light in the dark_

_Let me see where you are_

_'Cause I'm not gonna leave you behind_

_If I told you that you're not alone_

_And I show you this is where you belong_

_Put your hands in the air_

_One more time_

_Put your hands in the air_

_One more time_

The smooth cadence of Remus voice and the resonating lyrics burrowed into Sirius’ heart as he slowly stopped strumming the guitar. Remus glanced around the room as applause broke out searching, until his eyes settled on Sirius’ face and a slow smile spread across his. Remus placed the guitar down to quickly stride over to where Sirius was standing, “Hey” he said a bit lamely.

“Hey yourself,” he replied, “that was beautiful Remus, that song and your voice, I didn’t realize you could sing like that.”

“Yeah, I just couldn’t get you out of my head and it seemed fitting. I’ve missed you Sirius, I’ve missed you _so_ much, and I understand if you don’t want a relationship that’s fine but please, don’t just leave,” Remus grimaced at the thought of continuing without Sirius in his life.

“I have too, I’ve missed you more than I ever thought I would and I just couldn’t stop think about how I fucked everything up, just because I’m too afraid to deal with my shit, it was eating me alive. But, I think it’s time I stop letting my past ruin my life, so if you are ok with me being a bit fucked up, I want you, and I want this,” Sirius said stepping closer until he was barely inches away from Remus.

“You know everyone is a bit fucked up, and I know you went through something no one should _ever_ have to go through, but there is nothing wrong with struggling, its just a part of what makes you, you and I don’t think I could truly dislike anything about you.” Sirius let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding at the words Remus softly spoke as he gently wrapped his strong arms around him in a firm embrace.

Looking up at Remus’ earnest eyes Sirius was struck by a heat throughout his entire body, “Re, can I kiss you?”

With a light chuckle Remus answered, “Of course, Love,” before leaning down to catch Sirius’ lips in a kiss of his own. Sirius keened at the contact, he breathed in Remus like had been suffocating without even knowing it and Remus was life giving oxygen mask he’d been given. With a moan deep in his chest Remus let one of his arms drop down to circle Sirius waist pulling him ever closer until they were pressed flush together. His other slid up to tangle in the soft hair at the base of his neck tilting Sirius’ head just so to deepen their kiss, they were completely unperturbed by the patrons still milling about the coffee shop.

When the slide of their tongues turned dirty Sirius pulled back slightly, smiling at the pout of disappointment on Remus’ now swollen lip he leaned up to whisper into his ear, “Re, do you want to continue this upstairs with a bit of privacy?”

Pupils dilating with lust Remus looked around seeming to just realize they were still in the middle of the shop that was now a bit awkwardly quiet as most people who were still there avoiding looking at them. “Gods, yes,” he breathed voice low and gravely, “follow me,” he instructed taking Sirius by the hand and leading him across the shop. Remus quickly took him behind the counter into the back storage room then up a short flight of stairs to a door that lead into the kitchen of his apartment. Not a moment after the door latched closed Sirius found himself firmly pressed against it, Remus’ body flush against him and mouths once again moving together. Not breaking contact each struggled to kick off shoes, ply t-shirts away from skin, and wiggle out of tight jeans until they were both in just their boxers. Dizzy from lack of oxygen Sirius pulled away, groaning at the sight before him.

“How are you this fucking attractive, it should be illegal to look like that,” Sirius said his hands running up Remus’ body to tangle in his soft golden curls.

Huffing a bit as he sucked at his neck, Remus murmured softly, “you have literally no room to talk, I mean look at you,” he moaned against the soft skin. Sirius let out a gasp of pleasure when he felt Remus’ hand firmly begin palming him through the thin material of his boxers, his head rolling back to thump against the door at the friction. Groaning at Sirius’ reaction, “Come here,” Remus said in a nearly feral growl, as he tugged Sirius away from the door and hoisted him up into his arms. Sirius gasped again this time out of surprise instinctively tightening his grip in Remus hair and wrapping his legs in a vice around his waist. Remus captured his mouth in another dirty kiss nipping at his lips as he began walking, carrying Sirius with ease into his small bedroom, he flopped backwards onto the bed allowing Sirius to land on top, straddling him. “You are so fucking gorgeous I can’t even think straight when I see you,” he ground his hips up into Sirius who had begun to kiss and suck a line down Remus chest.

“How do you want me Re? Please tell me, cause I need you, I need you so much right now I’m aching,” Sirius whispered grinding his hips down with a moan then sucking a nipple into his mouth to lick and bite until Remus was whining at the stimulation.

“Just like this Love, I want you to ride me, I want to watch you sink onto my cock, I want to watch you fall apart as it wrecks you, and I want your cum on me when you finally fall off the edge,” he says as he pulls Sirius boxers from his hip and sliding them off until he is completely naked writhing on top of him.

“God, I want that, I want you to wreck me Remus, please,” Sirius nearly begs as Remus reaches over to grab lube and a condom from his bedside drawer. With freshly slicked fingers Remus lightly grazes them from the top of his crevasse to his balls applying a bit more pressure as he passes his tight hole. Remus lets his index finger teasingly stroke at the hole until Sirius pushes down impatiently and he finally lets it slip into the tight heat. He sighs at the pleasure as Remus pushes in and out until he is wiggling begging for another, his thighs tremble at the light burn as Remus adds a second finger still moving in and out at a tortuously slow pace. “Re please,” Sirius whines “I’m ready, please,” Remus continues to scissor his fingers inside brushing over Sirius prostate causing him to push back against the fingers seeking more stimulation.

“Soon Love, no need to rush. We’ve got all night,” Remus whispers slipping a third finger in and watching Sirius thrash at the stretch. Finally satisfied Remus removes his fingers, Sirius whines as his hole clenches at the sudden emptiness, obscenely dripping lube out with each contraction. Wiggling out of his own boxers Remus palms his hard neglected cock as Sirius lines up with him, both moan as he sinks down onto Remus’ cock until the entirety sheathed is inside. Leaning forward Sirius kisses Remus with searing intensity his long hair falling down to create a curtain around them. Sitting back up Sirius begins to move slowly up and down, pulling up until only the head of Remus cock remained inside him then sinking back down until it reached as far inside him as it could. Remus held his hips, guiding him back and forth hefting him up and down as Sirius’ legs trembled, they continued like that finding a rhythm up and down back and forth until neither could form a coherent thought.

“Re I’m so close,” Sirius moaned as Remus’ cock brushed his prostate again and again and again.

“I know Love, me too,” Remus move one hand onto Sirius dick as it bobbed up and down in time with their movements, he stroked it never ceasing their movements until Sirius was screaming his name as he came hard, cum painting across Remus’ torso.

“Sirius!” Remus shouted as the contractions around him finally pushed him over the edge. Sirius collapsed on top of him as they both came down from the high of release, Remus softening cock slipping out as he rolled onto his side to relaxing into his arms. Remus quickly clean them up, throwing away the condom and wiping away the smeared cum on their bodies then laid back down to hold Sirius.

“You tired Love?” Remus asked as Sirius snuggled into his side.

“Mmhmm,” he said with a sigh, “by the way, I wanted to tell you again that I loved your performance tonight,” Sirius’ voice was horse and sleepy as he spoke.

“Oh, why thank you, you weren’t to bad yourself,” he responded jokingly.

“I’m talking about your singing, not your fucking you perve.”

“Oh yeah that, to be honest I’m just glad I didn’t completely fuck it up, I haven’t performed in years.”

“Really,” he asked “when did you learn, you never really struck me as the musician type.”

“You’re right I’m not,” Remus said then turned a bit sheepish, “I actually used to be a part of my high school theater program I had to learn for our musical productions.”

Remus could feel as Sirius chuckled into his side, “First off, that is adorable and second, I’m going to need to see pictures of you in stage make up.”

Scoffing, “Yeah I’ll get right on finding those for you,” Remus said sarcastically, “go to sleep Love, its really late and I know you are half asleep already,” Remus tightened his hold as Sirius simply hummed a small smile on his face as he fell completely into unconsciousness. Remus continued to hold him as he gazed up through the skylight above his bed watching the blinking stars for hours until he too fell asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the beautiful [art](https://yumenouveau.tumblr.com/post/183167619147/yumenouveau-wolfstar-kisses-wanted-to-draw) that inspired this story created by the amazing YumeNouveau


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